08-14-2007

You don't have to say 'TheFondler' each time you refer to me, you can drop the 'The'. In fact, I'll piss in the eye of whoever does it next.

0 Comments

08-12-2007

Every weekend, I'll talk about a group or artist I've been listening to, or think you guys should check out. I'll post several MP3's from the group too.

Group Name: Blue Six
Genre: Electronic, House, Lounge, Vocal
Origin: US
Website: http://www.astralwerks.com/bluesix/

I'm not sure when I first heard Blue Six, or where I was when I heard them, but it was right around the time I was getting into house. So needless to say, it caught my ear. "Music and Wine" was one of those week long favorites. After that, I almost forgot about the artist and basically tucked it away into the endless void that is my iTunes Library. About two years later, which would've been around April of this year, I was listening to the newest Speakeasy 3000 mix, and Blue Six's Music and Wine was remixed on it. Here's what I heard.

http://dbaldaia.free.fr/Housedeluxe/MusicWine.mp3

After sluething around to find more of the artist I found more remixes, one of them being the "Tha Atta Boy Vocal" which Miguel Migs and Naked Music recordings had a hand in remixing.

http://www.gilbarbara.com/blog/mp3/B...sic_&_Wine.mp3

Turns out, Blue Six is one of the main artists featured in a house music recording label called Naked Music, which turns me on, because I like nudity. Here's one last MP3 to wet your whistle:

Love Yourself

0 Comments

08-09-2007

I checked my email account this morning, and I noticed that I had received nearly a dozen forwards in the last week containing surveys that you're supposed to fill out and send to all your friends, so that you can compare your intrests with the,m. I hate these forwards, and usually delete them. But since there seems to be such an overwhelming demand for my input lately, I have decided that a response to one of these surveys is necessary. After this, I can answer all the rat bastards who send me e-mail surveys in one shot. Here it goes.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING?
Mandy Moore's thong, crumpled on my living room couch.

FAVORITE FEATURE ON PEOPLE YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO?
Cantelope sized breasts. What did you expect me to say?

WHAT KIND OF QUALITIES DO YOU LOOK FOR IN SOMEONE YOU'RE INTERESTED IN?
You just asked that question.

WHAT'S THE LAST CD YOU BOUGHT?
"I'm Going to Urinate on You and Give You the Nasty on Camera," by R. Kelly.

WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
Playing blackjack in Las Vegas, carrying Frank Sinatra's 10 year old corpse under my arm (rigormortis makes that pretty easy to do).

WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE?
Trapped in an elevator with former Monday Night Football commentator Dan Fouts.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE MASSAGED?
Massage? C'mon. Why don't we just cut to the chase and have sex already?

WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY?
Milton Berle's massive glasses.

http://www.epiphaniesinc.com/blog/wp...iltonberle.jpg

FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
I don't have children, you jackass. I yell profanities at them from my car.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
A holiday when I don't have to work.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
The one where I don't have to go to work on holidays.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR OR SUV?
The one I'm not using to drive to work on a holiday.

WHICH DO YOU PREFER: SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Whichever one I'm eating during the holiday when I don't have to work.

WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE?
I don't have chores. I'm a big boy. Now go take out the garbage, you goddamned moron.

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
The ability to burn down a Walmart, just by looking at it.

IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO OR PIERCING, WHAT IS IT AND WHERE?
I have 15 different cock rings, all in different colors.

WHAT IS THE WORST EXPERIENCE YOU'VE HAD ON A DATE?
When I broke wind repeatedly in her parent's bathroom, and the smell leaked out into the dining room where they were all eating. I tried to make humor out of it by saying, "Whoa...your wife can sure can rip ass" to the father, but he wasn't amused.

WHAT IS ONE OF THE BEST MEMORIES YOU HAVE FROM THE PAST, WHERE IF YOU COULD RELIVE IT AGAIN, YOU WOULD?
The dinner I mentioned above. Except for the part where her father beat me with a lead pipe. It was hilarious, outside of that.

WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?
What the hell do you care?

IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
Straight up your ass, you nosy bastard.

CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Can you shut the hell up?

IF YOU COULD TAKE A VACATION ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
To your house, so I could beat you to death.

IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Ask me another question like that, and I'll murder you in your sleep.

WHAT IS YOU FAVORITE KIND OF FLOWER?
That's it. You're dead.

08-04-2007

I think every weekend, I'll talk about a group or artist I've been listening to, or think you guys should check out. I'll post several MP3's from the group too. Here it goes.

Group Name: Minus The Bear
Genre: Soft Rock, Alternative, Indie Rock
Origin: US
Website: http://www.minusthebear.com/

I first heard of Minus the Bear on another forum. It was the beginning of another imbecilic "What are you listening to" thread, back in late 2006. It was late at night, and I was half asleep, in this state, really anything amuses me. The post was "Minus the Bear - Hey! Is that a Ninja Up There?". I was amused right away when reading the group's name, as well as their song title. So I decided to check them out on iTunes. A quick 30 second clip made me think "Ehh, just another rock band" but I figured heck, I'll download one of their albums. I gave them a first listen, and I thought "Meh, nothing special". But later the next day, I woke up with one of their songs in my head, and I couldn't even remember what the name was.

I looked it up right away, and found out I was in love with their song Pachuca Sunrise from their latest album Menos El Oso. I must have listened to that song 20 more times in the next day, and I simply loved it.

Over the next few days, I spent my time at the computer building up my Minus the Bear collection, until I had practically every song they made. Here are a few favorites, aside from Pachuca Sunrise:

- The Pig War
- This Ain't a Surfin' Movie
- Hey, Is That a Ninja Up There?
- The Fix

Sorry I couldn't find MP3's for those. Poor you!

0 Comments

08-03-2007

I think I'm going to stick with this one. Yeah, I tried to make it look as emo as possible. There was no other possible way for me to express myself photographically.

Even though you can't really tell what I look like...at all, feel free to mock me. If you didn't mock me, then you wouldn't be the readers of this cute little blog, now would you? Ridiculing me is part of my profile's. The last time I posted picture (a few months ago), it was also blurry and out of focus. I looked like a "pervert", "child molester", "voyeuristic masturbator", and "adult bookstore clerk".

I took that picture today. Today seemed like a good day to take my photo. I was at the grocery store earlier, and two teenage girls, probably a little younger than me were sitting on a bench talking. I'm not sure what they were talking about, because they were fat and I don't pay attention to fat people. I only noticed them when one glanced at me and said, "Should I ask him?" The other girl, who was equally marmalade-enhanced, said, "No, don't ask the pretty guy, ask that lady right there."

Excuse me? Pretty guy? Men aren't "pretty", we're "epically handsome". If such misuse of the English language continues among today's teenagers, I'm going to have to start removing my belt and beating random children in public. Forget vigilante crime fighting, vigilante child beating is what this modern world needs.

Ah fuck, I'm off on a tangent. On beating children. Again.

My bad.

The incident with the teenage girls wasn't the only reaction I got at the supermarket. When I paid for my groceries, the 70-year-old female cashier also smiled at me. When I thanked her for giving me my change, she blushed, and looked embarassed.

So that's two corpulent underage girls and a post-menopausal hag, all in one day. Not bad for me. I must have been looking really fucking good. There was no better time for me to take a picture!

Anyway, I apologize that I look like horseshit. I always look like horseshit in photos, partly because I'm not photogenic, and partly because I always look like horseshit. I'm eagerly waiting your clever mockeries my fellow Klashers!
Get cracking, mockery club. I expect only the best out of you.

View More Blog Entries